2024 has sucked. My life sucks. I wish I was dead. My stepdad died back at the end of May. I hate my job so much, I've cried almost every week at work so far this year and we're only in like the 3rd or 4th week. Just found out that the IRS is charging me a penalty for taking my time to pay that is the same amount as I owed.
I honestly don't know what the purpose of anything is. Why I bother trying anything. I just keep going along and smiling around others, not letting them know how much I wish I didn't have to be alive anymore.
I would say I'm suicidal. I don't actually think about killing myself. Although I'll admit lately I've had a few moments where I wish I could do that. But now I can't because I have to be there for my mom since my stepdad died. Maybe when she's gone I can do it then. I guess at least I have some purpose right now.
But why does everything have to suck so much? Why can't anything ever turn out good for me? Why do the jobs that seem like they'll finally be the right one end up sucking? Why am I still alone? Why can't I do better with my money? I'll be out of debt, or at least low debt, and then things happen that I have to use my credit cards even for groceries and then I just keep spending. Here I actually thought I might be at least getting to where I could start paying some debt down with my raise this year, and BAM! Here comes the IRS to screw me over. Plus I had to ask them to take MORE money out of my taxes even though I already claim 0 so that maybe next year I won't have to pay as much.
I can't afford to even go talk to my therapist anymore because my stupid insurance has it so they only pay like $30 of the $150 a session until I hit my $2500 deductible. Which of course since our year starts in July I've only spend like $250 of that. So what's the point?
Insurance sucks. Taxes suck. My job sucks. Pretty much the common denominator is just me, obviously it's me that sucks. Me that is a waste of space. Me that is a waste of everything ever spent or put towards my life.
