This Dystopian Life

So I know I have an unpopular opinion on masks right now.  I don't want to wear one. Since I am not sick, it doesn't make sense for me to wear one other than to protect myself.  I live alone.  There is no one in my house but me, and I don't go to work with anyone right now. Basically, other than my family members who I see about once a week, who pretty much feel the same as I do about masks, I don't come in contact with anyone if I did get sick. And if I did get sick, I'd definitely wear the mask when I left my house, if I left my house.  If I got sick, I'd stay home. 

People say it's selfish to not want to wear a mask because I'm not thinking about other people.  Again, I am thinking of others, and I'm not sick.  I have the conditions that tend to do poorly with the disease if I were to get it.  I have asthma.  I am probably pre-diabetic.  But it's my choice, right?  My body?

I mean, in this case, it really just is my body.  I feel abortion is more than just the woman's body, it is her child's body. What if that child is a woman?  Did we then take away that woman's choice to live?  But I digress.

My point is, I'm okay if this is what gets me.  As I've posted before, I don't care if I keep living because I have nothing to live for.  I'm a waste of space and resources.  Also, I've read a lot of dystopian books, they used to be my favorite type of read.  Now, I'm pretty sure I'm okay not being Katniss or the heroine, especially since I'm too old for that.  I'm okay with being one of the people lost before the whole dystopian world comes about. 

Anyway.  My two cents.  If we never go back to anything close to what normal was, I'm okay with the fact that compared to some people I have lived a "privileged" life and am ready to let others do the same.  I'll be done, and let someone else have my space and resources.

Plus One

This post ties in to the last one, which I know was a while ago.  But as I see my mother missing out on things because her only grandkids are from her son and not her daughter, I find myself again wishing that I'd not been so careful to not get pregnant.  I mean, what would it hurt if I hadn't finished college right away?  I mean it's not like I even got a teaching job right after I graduated. I spent a year substitute teaching and took a few graduate classes which I did poorly in.  They were science, and much more technical than most of the science classes I'd taken to be a science teacher.  I had job offers that first year, they just would have meant I had to move away from home, and I really didn't want to.  I mean, what if I'd just gone ahead and taken one of those in the tiny towns?  Maybe I'd have met and married someone?

I just know there are things I would want my own mom for if I had a kid, just like I'm sure my sister-in-law prefers her own mother for. 

Just feeling it today as my mom is disappointed to not get to spend the evening of my niece's actual birthday with her.  Or be invited to her friend birthday party tomorrow.  When my niece was born, it was two months early, and she had a twin brother that was still born.  So we were all there driving to the hospital for two months to see her and so excited when she got to come home.  It is my family and my mom who get called all the time for emergency babysitting because the in-laws don't live in town, so I get why my mom feels a bit left out.  I also get that I get that same trait from her. 

Needed to get that out.